Every Man's Life Is A Plan Of God

I'm transitioning again. From my last life to this life, I'm now on the move to my next life. It's been less than three years, and I've never known such changes.

That first life lasted about twenty-five years, and it was a good life - the best! There was love there, comfort and security, family. God was everywhere, in every breath I took. My life was his, wholly and completely, and I never regretted a day of it. Life was beautiful. Then it ended. My husband died, and that life was over. I lost my home, my friends, and more importantly, my identity. I had been half of a team, a wife and mom. Now I was just a mom, and I was alone.

I had lost my best friend, with whom I had hoped to grow old. I lost my job; his work was my work. As my friends slowly faded back into their well-rounded and undisturbed lives, I eventually lost my faith. Coping emotionally and financially has been a long, lonely, and difficult educational process. I’m a C student, at best. Make that a D. After the original financial upheaval in which I acquired a good bit of debt, circumstances turned worse and the debt mounted from unexpected sources until I’m now forced to sell my home in this life to escape it. Life has not been kind here. In fact, she’s been downright cruel.

But as perfect as that first life was, I realize now I didn’t belong there. Well I did, but only for as long as it lasted. I don’t belong here either. This was just a place to grieve and rest… and learn, and now it’s time to move on to my next life. And that one is sure to be very different! My daughter is away in college now, and my son will be joining her soon. My aloneness will be complete.

Despite the sorrow that paved the way from my last life to this one, I started out with great faith and great hope. I don’t have much of either anymore, but I have a little. And a little is as good as a feast, they say. My life has never been my own; it has always belonged to god. Even if I don’t know where I’m going, he does.