Fitting In

I spent the better part of yesterday morning searching online job sites, hoping to find something in the communications field that doesn’t require a degree. It was not fun. In fact, it was downright depressing. Of the hundreds of jobs I searched within a fifty mile radius, only a handful were actually in the field of communications, and most of them required specific knowledge of legal, medical, or other technically oriented operations. The rest required at least a Bachelor’s degree. Unfortunately, this is what I’m constantly faced with in my search for meaningful employment. *Sigh. I have found a few jobs here and there for which I was more than qualified and would love to have landed, but was only once invited to an interview.

I’m not an ambitious person. I’m not motivated by money, prestige, title, or any of the other common motivators. I’m actually quite modest, and never knew how to handle the recognition and awards I received in my last life without blushing with total embarrassment. And don’t get me wrong about money; I need and want a good income if I’m going to keep paying the bills, keep my kids in college, and keep a little something on which to retire. But at fifty years of age, and with no degree and no employment history, employers probably consider me a long-shot when compared to the young graduates applying for the same jobs. I imagine they think I’m not worth the investment. (This is where I’m supposed to shrug and say, “Oh, well. Their loss.” But I’m the one who feels like a loser.)

All of my published work was accomplished as a freelancer, and while it supplemented my husband’s income, it would not be enough in my present circumstances to even get by. Besides, it was a very specific niche I was fortunate enough to find and fill, but which no longer exists. I moved away from that place and time, that community, and an opportunity like that hasn’t presented itself here. What I need is full-time employment, hopefully something meaningful and worth investing my skills as a writer and researcher. In the meantime…

*Sigh. In the meantime I seem to be playing the waiting game. Transition takes time. But I trust that Life is preparing a place for me, another niche that only I can fill. And as soon as she finishes carving out that niche, she’ll slide me into it, and it will be a perfect fit.

I hope it’s soon.